breathing in garbage like a breath of fresh air

never have I been so disgusted first with myself for sitting through a poor display of anxiety and then well with the rest of the cunning nonsense that I have witnessed first hand by a living breathing human being. It's amazing to me that people can be so absolutely dysfunctional that it overtakes their entire being to the point that they are consumed and lead to make decisions and choices based on warped ideals. The sad part here being that they have no idea that any of this is taking place.

I should shoot myself for saying it's the parents fault, seriously at such a distinct level of insatiable stupidity there has to be some responsibility of the parent to instill in their offspring the differences between taking and needing, right and wrong. Unless of course and this may very well be the plight and answer to the issue; the parent is equally as dysfunctional and enveloped in a shroud of odd and self serving behavior as well, clearly it makes sense that they pawn this off as a parting gift.

The learned behavior that occurs from being left to fend for one's self emtionally and physically is what one may come to consider survival tactics. There must be a point when the tactic of survival becomes that of creator. you can exist shuttled from place to place and survive, get by by adapting and making the best of the situation. At some point, you become the creator, the grandmaster behind the secret world of doubts, uncertainty and fear. It is here that the survivor orchestrates their grandest display of all. where everything is based on lies and empty attempts to make them feel like they are no longer just surviving but flourishing. it is here underneath the many disguises that things get muddy.