I need to stop beating myself up with this. I feel shrowded in negativity and I can feel him pulling away from me. He is a mound of problems and I think I am tired of getting beat up because he doesn't know what the hell he wants in his life. I am hurt and feel so alone but at the same time I can not continue this dance of wondering what week this is, one where he is interested or one where his mind is filled with doubt.
When I think about it, I realize that if I were to end this interlude, then I would feel hurt and alone, which is just as I do now when he decides that he suddenly doesn't know what he wants. Things would be better I suppose if I were alone, of course, minus the moments of laughter and realization that we love to be with each other.
I'm so sad and empty at the thought of it, but maybe it's the right thing to do...for myself.
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shaken and not stirred :: There takes a great amount of diligence in the craft of being graceful and wise.
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