I thought that it would be different now. I wouldn't bother with missing him. after all what is there to miss? I should list the good and bad, about him, about me, about this separation. only now I am too tired to type to think and to tell the difference between all those things...

In case you really want to read what Bush spoke: NY Times has the full text version-
Somewhere buried amoung those eight pages is the comment about defending the security and freedom of the American people...
I feel like this is Bush the Sequel...

so tired today. I try to make sense of this looming weight over me, but I have come to realize that age along with the weathering of life are beinning to take it's toll on me... I suppose there within me is a fire that burns just as it did many moons ago, only these daily tasks that make it necessary for me to live a life of comfort have consumed me. I lack that extra energy, at least today I do.
The air is so absolutly bitter outside that it actually feels like tiny needles hitting your cheeks when the wind blows.




what's your battle cry? |
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You can run from the truth.
You can hide the truth.
But you can never change the truth.

i feel dizzy lately. i think the cold air has me off. the alarm went off for an hour this morning, i probably could have slept till noon and not woken up. how sweet that would have been, to stay in bed w/ ben at the foot of the bed keeping my feet warm...
the time has me sleepy but will sleep better knowing that i drained my brain of what nonesense is left in it for today.
ahhhh.

There was this woman who once sat on the edge of her park bench knowing that someday she would go away and not come back, (indo) but that no matter where in her travels she found herself, she would always remember the moment when she realized how she felt and how she would never forget that moment for as long as she lived.

I felt sort of like that today when I casually walked to my desk this morning and find my boss slinking away from it like the serpant that she is. I watch her mouth begin to move and the words "good morning" barely make it off her lips before she glances at the fucking clock. So what I am twenty minutes late, my coat and scarf are neatly piled in my arms, clearly I have already been here and have not walked straight away from the cold air.

Doesn't matter. I bring up in conversation to my other newly acquired boss my appointment this morning w/ a loan officer at the bank on site. Certainly this will make it back to the ears of the serpant, as she habitually maintains a registry of all employees that she feel do not bow down to her wrath. Obviously I am one of them. This is fucking corporate culture. And people are surprised about how the damn ecomony got the way it is?
I am about ready to start bringing in liquor to keep at my desk, I can see why people do this. The trap is enormous and suddenly you realize that your surrounded.