It's never easy being green

housekeeping is a bitch

knowing that I just spent the last two hours hunting down, migrating and merging my blogs from all over the internet makes me wonder why I just didn't lay on the couch tonight and watch bad tv. That was a lot of work and google sucks at maintaining this blog interface... Am I really leaving for greener pastures? Wordpress... lets run away together...

Emptiness fills up the room.

A view from within

I've come to learn that I really don't need all these applications of the phone work how of should pit of the box.

Descriptions

I've become very good at people reading these days and even better at picking them out of crowd. no man in white linen pants wearing birks and a rosary around his neck is straight period and end of story. The scoop neck shirt is what gave it away for me.
Fyi ladies the guy on the train with a longchamp bag IS married or in a serious relationship forget u saw him he has no idea what he's doing.

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The calling in the dark

How do you ignore it? The shadow out in the distance that whispers the question....is this it? Is this where and what I've waited and weighed all my life...
Do I dig in? Or is it still that I want to be free? I take time, its slow and steady to make up my mind, but at some point I need to be firm in my decision and let it be one way or the other.

I watch the young guy across from me fumble with what looks to be a very serious receipt package from Kay jewelers. He is nervous reading and re-reading the fine print. The girl next to him does not recognize his discomfort. She reads a magazine and may not even have any connection to the guy aside from the fact that they sit next to each other. For his sake I hope that's the case.

There are so many opportunities to say "you know what this is not for me", from the second date to moments before "I do"... All the contemplation and worry has got to be better than going it all alone.
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Dig in deep

My affect today is so flat I feel like I could just lay down and let the time go by.
The anxiety at moments is too much the bear and as a result I think my body reaches a point where it can no longer handle the pressure of such a balancing act.
Uncertainty and mixed messages push me back to a place where I lose myself in what his next word might be. I feel at times that he forces himself to be here. Perhaps he is finally getting in touch with himself now that he recognizes his depression prevents him from being present in his life.

There's no doubt. I see it and I can feel it when the confusion and doubt over comes him. I don't know what to do. At this point there is nothing I can do except love him and support him.. Maybe he will see that just bc that exists that u don't throw all that is stable and positive away.

Why such sadness my friend? Why are your eyes glazed and flat? How can I help you out of the hole you are in? If only I could reach out to you without wanting you in my life permanently in return. My mirror is foggy from the steam of the shower, you walk in behind me and grab my waist. I speak to both of us as the mirror clears....
Welcome to the corner of my heart
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